1. Overheard at the Chicken Ranch: “Why did the chicken attend a seance?” “He wanted to cross over to the other side.”

  2. A baggage handler at Seattle airport swiped a Horizon Air plane and went for a joy ride. Actually, those jets are duck soup to fly. Pull back on the wheel after take speed is reached, raise the gear handle after lift off is achieved, open the cockpit bar after thirst is detected.

  3. Research says women are more likely to survive a heart attack if their emergency room doctor is a woman. Especially if they’re wearing a really cute outfit.

  4. Marco Rubio on Trump “Well, he’s had the nuclear codes for a year and a half, and we’ve been all right.”

    This is like the guy who falls off the Empire State Building and at about the 20th floor is thinking “I’m gonna be all right.”

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