1. A company called Terracycle takes old cigarette butts and recycles them into park benches. Boy, this is a perfect example of the great wheel of life. The same guys who threw their butts on the ground, sit on the recycled benches all day and through their butts on the ground.

  2. Imagine President Donald Trump as a dentist, making your mouth great again. Daily root canals until the country shapes up.

  3. CDC reports two of every five adult Americans are obese. The problem’s gotten so bad Disney had to change the theme song of their most iconic ride. It’s A Small World After All Those Big Butts Fill The Seats.

  4. Sunday is April Fools Day, the day of pranks across the country. For example, in the Kardashian family it’s traditionally the day the girls tell their NBA boyfriends about the dead rabbit.

  5. Politicians are people who lie to the press, then believe what they read. I think the reason they all wear dark suits is so we can’t see the wires on reverse shots.

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