1. Patriot’s WR Rob Gronkowski says he may retire from football and take up acting.

    Here are some movie roles we could see him in: “5. Gronk with the Wind; 4. Forrest Gronk; 3. The Gronkfather; 2. Gronk Torino; 1. The Big Gronkowski.”

  2. The Hawaiian worker who sent out the false Incoming Missile Alert has been fired. His Hawaiian name was “Moa Iki”, which translates to “Chicken Little” in English.

  3. In Korea, KFC doesn’t mean you are getting Chicken. Korean Fried Canine anyone? Don’t go to Colonel Shih Tsu’s Fried Chicken either!

    And stay away from the Poodle Noodles, Rack of Lab, German Shepherd’s Pie and Baked Alaskan Malamute.

  4. Hooray for the Winter Olympics! Whenever I view the couples skating competitions, I wonder: “Does ANYONE EVEN WATCH the guys?” Those skimpy female outfits rock my world. This is a sport I can definitely get behind.

  5. Trump’s need for a military parade seems a lot like the debate over hand size during the Republican primary. If you have big hands, you have a big penis. You have a big military parade, you have a big one. Trump wants to show he HAS a big one, but winds up showing he IS a big one.

  6. Been watching the manly sport of curling during the Olympics. Curling is a manly sport — the players all have a set of big stones.

  7. Breitbart News says feminist witches are putting hexes on President Trump. Of course the best way to throw off a hex is to bury the victim in pig blood for 2 days. White House might want to try that.

  8. The Winter Olympics have started in South Korea, and in an apparent act of friendship North Korea sent leader Kim Jong-un’s sister as a representative. But it looked a little suspicious. She was over 6-feet tall, had 29 piercings, and was black.

  9. We may be facing another government shutdown this month, and that doesn’t look good for the military parade. The Pentagon might have to hack some tanks from Amazon.

  10. As Valentine’s Day approaches I remember the year I asked my wife what she wanted for a present, and was surprised when she replied “A couple of studs.” It was after I got up off the floor that she explained she meant diamond stud earrings.

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