1. After Kim Jong Un talked about the nuclear button on his desk, Dopey Donald said his nuclear button was bigger. We should get these guys alone in a room so they can actually measure.

  2. The White House doctor reported that the president is in good health but needs to lose 15 pounds of ugly fat. So Trump fired Ann Coulter.

  3. ICE has been deporting illegals left and right, but so far no celebrities. Cher has come closest, she’s lost her breasts, chin and one eyebrow.

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