1. Hackers this week infiltrated the Sacramento Regional Transit system computers and threatened to erase millions of files unless paid a ransom of one Bitcoin. Officials are not worried however. They canceled the pizza delivery and turned off power to the basement. 

  2. A bull in China was born with an extra leg growing out of its back. So here’s a joke for the Brits in the audience: He’s the first male ever who can get one’s leg over himself.

  3. US Turkey Day games: Did anyone notice that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones sent someone from his private box at halftime to see if Ezekiel Elliott was hiding in The Salvation Army Kettle?

  4. UCLA players shoplifting caught stealing sunglasses??? WhyTF are they even selling sunglasses in China anyways? Must be for tourists planning to visit to Montana or Alaska.

    There hasn’t been sunlight in Shanghai or Peking since the Ming Dynasty.

  5. Donald Trump says he turned down Time’s “Man of the Year.” But he’s still eligible for “Cretinous Fool Toad Buttwipe Lizardstick” of the Year. Think he’s got that one nailed down. No photo shoot necessary.

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