1. After nine years, OJ is out of jail. And first things first: he’s going to Disney World! But since Florida doesn’t want him, he’ll be in disguise. So if you see Darth Vader jumping over chairs at the airport, that’s The Juice.

  2. The NRA says automatic weapons can be used as legitimate hunting rifles. OK. I can buy that argument. I mean, you can also use a chain saw to cut butter. Just going to get a little messy around muffin time. If you think about it, a hand grenade will signal the end of recess.

  3. Scientists at the University of Limerick have found a way to convert tears into electricity.
    There once was a man from Nantucket,
    Who kept all his tears in a Tesla.
    His daughter, named Nan,
    Ran away with a man.
    And as for the Tesla, Nantucket.

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