WILL DURST says:
Yeah, he’s going to bring back the coal industry. And VHS tapes. And sock garters and buggy whips and the whale blubber industry.
Always Funny
Topical humor from the world's best humorists
WILL DURST says:
Yeah, he’s going to bring back the coal industry. And VHS tapes. And sock garters and buggy whips and the whale blubber industry.
British Condoms say their i.Con is the world’s first smart condom, but I don’t think it’s so smart. Carried the damn thing in my wallet for a week and the only action I got was a date with the ATM.
The i.Con can be adjusted to accommodate different girths, takes around an hour to charge and lasts for up to eight hours of “live” action. Depending on how often you have sex, it could last several weeks or even months between charges.
…Wonder if we can link this with my Grinder account?
…A FitBit for the ManBits
…Can’t wait until Russia Hacks this!
…So much pressure! It was hard enough trying to find someone to have sex with me, now I have to worry about Thrust Velocity?
…You: “Honey, we can’t do it tonight.” Wife: “Why?” You: “The Internet is down.”
…The new “smart condom” tracks your sexual activity. Sure, what we all need is more dicks bragging about their dicks.
…I don’t need an I.con Smart Condom to judge me, I have a wife for that!
…My I.Con just told me if I didn’t stop I’d go blind. Oddly enough it also said I had reached my heart rate goals for the day.
In his new book, The Cheese Trap, Dr. Neal Barnard claims Velveeta cheese is as addictive as heroin. What’s great about Velveeta is you can eat it and get high, jam it between bricks to make a fireplace, or leave the plastic on and have a dandy bookmark.
…You know it’s a huge problem when you have to take a painkiller just to eat lunch
…Now, Artie Lange has an excuse for gaining that weight
An attorney’s pants were ignited by an e-cigarette in his pocket while in court working on a case, prompting a new legal defense dance procedure:
“Lawyer lawyer, pants on fire”.
http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com
True story, the Florida defense attorney’s pants began smoking during an arson trial AND during the closing arguments where he claimed that his client’s car started on fire through spontaneous combustion.
…Okay, I’m convinced. There is a God.
…we don’t lose more lawyers to spontaneous combustion
A variation of Jerrywww’s punch:
……We’re not calling Miami defense lawyer Stephen Gutierrez a liar. But we can say that during a trial on Wednesday afternoon, his pants were on fire.
Pope may allow married men to become priests. However, priests assistants will remain boys–no altar girls.
…Young, Dumb, and full of Pope
Secret service interviewing White House intruder for potential cabinet position.
Dead shark in Florida Walmart parking lot baffles investigators. The contents of its stomach included a Sears, K-mart, and JC Penney.
…So, this is how Floridians kick off Shark Week
…I’ve always said that a Wal*Mart Parking Lot in Florida is full of predators!
…What smells worse? A decaying dead shark or a Wal*Mart Parking Lot in Florida?
…On the plus-side you can get the shark a “Get Well Soon,” balloon (just a couple feet away).
Intruder with backpack arrested on White House grounds. Trump claims it was an attempted coup led by Barack Obama.
Intruder with backpack arrested on White House grounds. Trump claims the backpack contained tools to wiretap the Oval Office.
There was a mentally ill person on the White House lawn today. Also an intruder.
A man was arrested after scaling the White House fence Friday night. Actually, it was a case of self-preservation. He was being attacked by a Lesbian, a Gay, a Bisexual, a Queer and a Transgender and knew there’d be none of those in the White House.
First-year doctors can now work up to 28 hours in a row after their governing body lifted the 16-hour cap on shift lengths. Resident doctors must read the fine print however. The extra 12 hours will be spent performing post mortem exams on the president’s dead campaign promises.
Last Wednesday was the ‘Day Without a Woman”? Hell, I once went a year without a woman.
Still not a good excuse for watching porn at work
Porn at work? Do you mean that girl who eats yogurt without a spoon?