Post a new joke!

Moderator on vacation until mid-November (yeah, I know it’s tough). Post your jokes here anyway – there’s enough material for weeks/months of jokes! 😁


Post a new joke! — 117 Comments

  1. Last Friday was No Bra Day. Government is thinking of combining it with Trump and Cosby’s birthday and call it Perverts Day

    A California company is selling a marijuana-infused wine in both red and white blend. They say the white goes best with a nice piece of poached salmon. The red of course pairs best with Steak Dorito.

    The restriction on Cuban cigars was lifted last Friday by an executive order of the Obama administration. Cuba’s been waiting years for this. They’ve even got a Presidential model. The Clinton Cohiba.

    Samsung finally pulled its Galaxy Note 7 from the market. Not sure if it was the overheating, exploding batteries, or that Galaxy Note 7 sounds like a 1961 loser Ford. 

    Chuck Berry turned 90 this week. He’s the world’s oldest living rocker. Unless you count Clint Eastwood guarding his lawn.

    Chris Christie has been ordered to show up in court over his part in Bridgegate. Sources say the governor got the idea for bridge restrictions after his tummy staple. ’Course that didn’t work either.

    Thanks all, I feel better now.

  2. Australian woman won the right to harvest her dead boyfriend’s testicles. Depressing–even in death women got us by the balls.

  3. Odell Beckham Jr. made out and proposed to a kicking net yesterday. Perhaps he needs to be taken away in a butterfly net.

  4. Footage of a Bigfoot was captured in Indonesia. Even Bigfoot wanted to get out of a country that would elect Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

  5. All in all, Caitlyn Jenner likes being a female and has just discovered a women’s age old complaint about men. But with a twist. “Hey buddy! My boobs are down here.”

  6. This campaign has been a nightmare. I keep thinking I’ll wake up and find that the parties actually nominated more sensible candidates. Like Sarah Palin and Barney Frank.

  7. Sexually transmitted diseases in the U.S. reached a record high, 1.5 million in 2015. Weird, a billion cases masterminded, but not one case consummated in a basement.

  8. Research by a Japanese journalist who interviewed North Korean citizens says they are rooting for Donald Trump. Not for any particular political reason. They want to see some other poor saps stuck with a leader who gets his hair cut at Toys R Us.

  9. Met Life has fired Snoopy and are phasing out their use of blimps. So they are letting go both Snoopy and Chris Christie.

  10. Scientists say the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle may have been solved. It involved an actress, a jealous wife, and Donald Trump.

  11. Today is National Nut Day and National Color Day. It’s a perfect day to salute that orange-tinted crazy man Donald Trump.

  12. Donald Trump is scheduled to deliver a major policy speech in Gettysburg, PA. It will be modeled after Lincoln’s Address except it will conclude “of the white people, by the white people, and for the white people.”

  13. Donald Trump is scheduled to deliver a major policy speech in Gettysburg, PA. This late desparate attempt to turn around his fortunes will be the equivalent of “Pickett’s Charge.”

  14. Harley-Davidson is losing money and must cut back. So, no more free catalogs or T-shirts; But worst of all, no more sponsored shoot-outs at Big Mama’s Four Corners Cafe.

  15. A bunch of monkeys in Brazil have been seen striking stones together to make smaller chips and flakes. This is important because it could mark the beginnings of a parallel stone age revolution. Or, they’ve been hired to rig the election by you-know-who.

  16. Kim Kardashian says she is tired and must take some me-time. This means no more giving her opinion where it’s not wanted, no more appearing in public semi-naked, and no more phenom. In 2017 she’ll be back to her fighting weight, giving her opinion where it’s not wanted, appearing in public semi-naked, and trying to understand what phenom means.

  17. Fla. man arrested when cops confused donut glaze for meth. How could this happen? Cops of all people should be experts on donuts.

  18. Donald Trump delivered his own Gettysburg address yesterday. With Trump, however, “four score” refer to his sexual conquests.

  19. Dem Rep Jackson Lee denounced Wikipedia instead of Wikileaks on MSNBC. She also blamed the embassy deaths in Libya on terrorist Ben Ghazi.

  20. In England no one is betting on Trump to win the American Presidential Election. In fact, few Brits will even wager a few pence on the outcome.

    • Michael Moore called anyone voting for Donald Trump a ‘legal terrorist.’ So hypocritical when Moore himself is responsible for so many bombs.

  21. Michael Moore called anyone voting for Donald Trump a ‘legal terrorist.’ So hypocritical when Moore himself is responsible for so many bombs.

  22. An Illinois man who cops say engaged in threesomes with his two sled dogs has been arrested for animal abuse. *Neighbors became suspicious when they heard him yelling, Mush! Mush! Oh My God, Mush!

  23. A man at church in South Carolina shocked other parishioners at a Sunday morning service when he stood up and started stabbing the guy sitting in front of him. Really, it was the church’s fault because when they started singing Holy, Holy, Holy, the guy being a drill press operator thought they meant H-o-l-e-y, and started to work.

  24. Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom have reached a property settlement in their divorce. She made out like a bandit and got his money. He made out like a pirate and got her booty.

  25. Samsung Galaxy Note 7 recall is a source of embarrassment to South Korea. Don’t feel bad South Korea, we too have a source of embarrassment that tends to overheat and he could be president.

  26. American rocket scientists figure Europe’s Mars explorer burned up in the planet’s atmosphere. 1. They say there is no signal from the rover. 2. The TV picture failed right at the start of reentry. And 3, there’s a giant orange spot on the planet’s surface from charred Tang.

  27. Hyundai is recalling 63,000 cars because their sunroofs might come loose and fly into traffic. There hasn’t been the danger of this much toplessness since Carol Doda back in 1968.

  28. Taylor Swift performed last weekend at the Formula 1 Grand Prix race in Austin, Texas. Taylor loves racing. She can come into the pits, change 4 tires and 1 boyfriend in just in 2.5 seconds.

  29. Man sued media for ‘ridiculing’ his mullet hairstyle after picture goes viral. If Donald Trump sued everyone that ridiculed his hair, he’d be a billionaire.

  30. Stephen Hawking is spokesmodel for Jaguar’s SUV, the F-PACE. The Doctor’s not doing it for the money, he’s rich. Instead Jaguar engineers fixed up his wheelchair with carbon fibre brakes and rack and pinion steering.

  31. Miley Cyrus screwed up the words to Sinatra’s “My Way” because she was too stoned. Good thing she didn’t try Bob Hope’s “Thanks For The Memories.” Coulda’ turned into a Trump campaign rally.

  32. A SeaWorld penguin losing her feathers wears a custom-made wetsuit. Her explanation to the other penguins–my tux is at the cleaners.

  33. Trump says the election is rigged. I think that’s because he realizes his ship has already sailed…off the edge of the planet.

  34. Mercedes is coming out with a high performance luxury pickup called the X-Class. Won’t be available in the US though. Mainly because American pickup drivers think paddle shifting is swapping hands during spanking.

  35. A plane carrying Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence and his family skidded off the runway after landing at LaGuardia Airport last night. Trump said no one was hurt, but in the big scheme of things what’s the loss of a few Pence here and there. After all, he’s a billionaire.

  36. My wife and her three sisters plan to hit the bars on Halloween Night. Basically it’s pretty much a Ghouls Night Out.

  37. Last week AT&T offered to buy Time Warner for $85.4 billion dollars, their CEO said that this would result in savings of a billion dollars in three years. So after some brief calculations it seems that the deal would pay for itself in about 256.2 years. I mention all this just in the event anyone didn’t know that rocket scientists have now boldly gone into the business world.

  38. If authorities offer Anthony Weiner a reduced sentence in exchange for information about Hillary’s e-mails, would it be a package deal?

  39. Ukrainian man renamed himself iPhone 7. Several Cubs should rename themselves Samsung Galaxy Note 7. They need to catch fire.

  40. Police are hunting for a man who ordered at a PA Chinese restaurant, paid, and then hauled a girl out of a restaurant restroom and carried her away over his shoulder. I don’t think the carry-out menu includes girls.

  41. Researchers at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston have developed a surgical coating called SLIPS, short for Slippery Liquid-Infused Porous Surfaces. In tests the coating reduced bad stuff from sticking by more than 98 percent. This week they plan to try it out on one of Hillary’s pants suits.

  42. In the Viagra commercials they tell you about all the side effects, except one. It apparently makes women walk in slow motion.

  43. Los Angeles Lakers star Metta World Peace claims ghosts touched him inappropriately. Turned out to be a couple Kardashians wearing sheets.

  44. Schlitterbahn water park founder Bob Henry died at 89 after a prolonged illness. A spokesperson said over the past year his health just continued to slide.

  45. ‘Will & Grace’ cast reunited to sing for Hillary Clinton fundraiser. Or as Donald Trump calls them ‘Shrill & Disgrace.’

  46. There are environmental activists who believe that having sex with the earth is good for both it, and them. Apparently, hugging a tree is just foreplay.

  47. Read somewhere that Chris Christie has a “man crush” on Donald Trump. I don’t believe it–Christie only has “man love” for Papa John.

  48. Ah, to be a billionaire, former reality show star who is somehow taken seriously as potential Commander and Chief. Next stop, The Twilight Zone.

  49. Boise State running back Jeremy McNichols is a standout player. He stands out because he’s one of the few African Americans in Idaho.

  50. Pennsylvania Trump fan disrobed online to encourage voting. Makes sense since Trump’s incompetence has been laid bare.

  51. Some companies are giving employees off on Election Day. If enough of them vote for Trump, they will enjoy lots of additional days off.

  52. Donald Trump was taken off the stage by Secret Service agents during a campaign speech. I’d love to yank Trump off stage–with a hook.

  53. Tuesday night we will have a new president, and for the first time in history it could be a girl. But regardless the White House will be ready. If it’s Clinton, same ol’ same ol’. If it’s Trump they’ll have to dig out Washington’s old wig stand.

  54. Donald Trump doubts the FBI reviewed all of Hillary Clinton’s emails. He insists that Nigerian prince received something from the Clinton Foundation.

  55. Donald Trump doubts the FBI reviewed all of Hillary Clinton’s emails. He insists emails with ED on the subject line are promises of large contributions to the Clinton Foundation from someone named Ed.

  56. My wife is 65 and still likes to wear mini-skirts. Sad to say, but she is like an old cougar that needs to be put down. Kind of the same as Hillary…

  57. Astronaut Shane Kimbrough cast his ballot from the International Space Station. Wonder if he voted for the Tang-tinged candidate or the one whose emails disappeared into a black hole.

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