Half-pint! — 15 Comments

  1. New video has people convinced Tupac Shakur is still alive. Look for him to resurrect his career by performing a duet with Elvis.

  2. DELTA introduced a new bag tracking system last week. It’s just like the microchip in your dog, and they guarantee a 99.9 percent success rate. And if you pony up the extra ten buck Home Invasion fee you can see who has your bag and is wearing your underwear.

  3. Two United pilots were arrested for intoxication in the cockpit last Saturday in Glasgow, Scotland. They broke the International Aviation Law of being drunk below 30,000 feet.

  4. Huma Abedin, Mrs. Anthony Weiner, dumped her husband after he was caught sexting again. She had no choice. Her marriage has turned into one big piece of b-o-l-o-g-n-a.

  5. Rick Perry will be on this season’s DWTS. Perry has trouble counting, so don’t expect him to do anything more complicated than the two-step.

  6. The World Gravy Wrestling Championship took place yesterday in the UK. After wrestling, contestants are licked clean by Chris Christie.

  7. Chris Brown finally nabbed by police after a tense standoff at his home on Wednesday. LA cops pranked the singer into surrendering. They played the National Anthem and he just stood up.

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