A good Christian Slater, maybe. — 19 Comments

  1. Three-hundred-pound Kim Jong-un is the “Supreme Leader For Life” of North Korea. That’s difficult for the average American to fathom since we don’t have anything like that in the U.S. Well, except for Oprah.

  2. Police in Longview, Texas, were chasing a man accused of stealing steaks from Walmart when he tossed the meat out his window hitting a cop car. Turns out this guy was just another victim of TV. He’d seen Good Eats on the Food Channel, the one where Alton Brown says to get your steaks cheap and tenderize.

  3. Wednesday was Unofficial National Pot Day. It was also Unofficial Humphrey Bogart Day. You do know how to toke a joint don’t you? Just put your lips together and suck.

  4. Pathological liars like Hillary Clinton are underrated, it’s been a long time since someone told me I’m the biggest and best she’s ever had and was able to keep a straight face while she was saying it.

  5. OJ Simpson wants to date Kris Jenner after his prison sentence ends. It’s unlikely she’ll be interested, but he’s welcome to take a stab at it.

  6. Donald Trump criticized North Carolina’s transgender bathroom law. However, to protect people’s privacy Trump wants to build bigger stalls.

  7. If North Carolina won’t change its LGBT law the NBA All Star game may move. The NBA says the law has no defense much like the All Star game.

  8. Warner Brothers has announced the release date for the movie “It.” The film features a terrifying clown. Finally a big screen biography of Donald Trump.

  9. So if it’s a felony to use a bathroom that isn’t your birth gender’s then I and a lot of women who have gotten impatient at sporting events and restaurants etc. are multiple felons.

  10. Marco Rubio now says he’s going to return to the “private sector,” and as to politics “we’ll see if God offers us another opportunity in the future.” And God is thinking “Uh, let’s see, I gave you looks, charm, endorsements and weak competition the first time.. what more do you want?”

  11. An Alabama preacher says sex is the biggest reason for homelessness. Especially if your wife finds out you banged another woman.

  12. Astronaut ran a record-breaking marathon aboard the space station. I didn’t realize there were any Ethiopian astronauts.

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