They can vote 77% of the time. — 14 Comments

  1. Elton John accused of grabbing ex-bodyguard’s genitals on multiple occasions. Well, Elton is the “Rocket Man.”

  2. Von Miller’s ‘DWTS’ partner is fining him every time he farts during rehearsal. My farting is so bad I’m fined by the EPA.

  3. The eruption of an Alaskan volcano has created an ash cloud 37,000 feet high and hundreds of miles wide. The smoke is so thick Sarah Palin can’t see Russia from her house.

  4. “Spring is bust’in out all over.” My wife has gained weight and our mattress is literally a minefield of coiled springs.

  5. Poor Bernie Sanders doesn’t stand a chance in this election, he’s not ruthless enough. Sunday, his campaign manager was accused of helping a little old lady across the church parking lot.

  6. Ted Cruz and Donald Trump debated penis size by arguing about whose hands were bigger. That won’t work against Hillary. Her hands are bigger than theirs.

  7. North Korea banning people over age 59 from Party Congress. Is this really necessary? There aren’t any North Koreans who live to age 60.

  8. North Korea banning people over age 59 from Party Congress. Elderly with arthritis have difficulty grasping a rubber stamp.

  9. Lakers D’Angelo Russell apparently recorded a video in which he asked teamate Nick Young about being with women other than his fiancée, rapper Iggy Azalea. The video began circulating online in the past week. Those who have seen the video are shocked–that no Kardashian is mentioned.

  10. Mattel has apparently lost over $3 million that they wired in response to a fake email from China. Hmm. Wonder if it’s too late for the company to put the brakes on “Nigerian Princess Barbie?”

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