I carry an El Chapo-stick. — 11 Comments

  1. I just saw an ad for a “Mammoth Valentine’s Day Sale.” Confusing! My wife would be pretty disappointed by a big hairy elephant for a present. She already has me…

  2. World Health Organization has declared Zika virus a public health emergency. Zika is now considered to be an STD–Skeeter Transmitted Disease.

  3. A concealed motor was found on a bicycle in a Belgian race, the first-ever case of bike doping. Strangely enough, the motor was powered by one human testicle.

  4. The Iowa Caucus was Monday. And for you Hollywood types: No, it’s not Charlie Sheen and Bill Cosby out chasing up some corn-fed chicks.

  5. Disney made tons of money off their Star Wars sequel. Watch for their next sequel, “Godfather 2016.” Only instead of finding a horse’s head in his bed, Jack Woltz finds Hilary’s Emails.

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