NBA? No Boys Abstinent. — 8 Comments

  1. Professor Jeffrey Jenkins of Brigham Young University claims people who experience negative emotions while on a website alter their cursor speed and exhibit more erratic mouse behavior. Especially when visiting the Mormon website, “Seventeen Wives and One Toilet Seat.”

  2. Olive Garden in Times Square to charge $400 per person on New Year’s Eve. Hey, at least you won’t have to shell out any money for noisemakers.

  3. Justin Bieber is in trouble with San Francisco for spray-painting sidewalks with ads for his new album. In fact, San Francisco citizens are so incensed they vowed all gays will stop performing the “Bieber.” Even behind closed doors!

  4. “Deadpool” is in a theater near you. An old soldier is endowed with the power to heal. His first superhero act actually saved America. He sterilized the Kardashians.

  5. Nutrition Facts on bottled water are all 0%, so why is H2O good for you? Well, when the plastic bottle is empty, you can irritate people with that srunchy sound it makes…

  6. Former New York Gov. George Pataki dropped out of race for president. Politics are like pizza. The country doesn’t want a thin crust. They want a deep dish president.

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