Beef Breath! — 18 Comments

  1. Folks voted on Facebook about changing rules for Monopoly, that game in which you buy railroads, boardwalks, houses and hotels where guys at conventions don’t observe any and “chambermaids” is a verb.

  2. The US government is backing a program to establish Twitter in Cuba. Don’t think this will succeed–the only tweeting in Cuba is from the carrier pigeons.

  3. A “mystery pooper” has been defecating on slides in a Ypsilanti, Michigan park. Officials are concerned this could lead to even greater crimes–defecating on slides could become a slippery slope.

  4. Two KKK groups in Illinois are fighting about whether one of their leaders is “white” enough. To prove his whiteness, the KKK leader will drive to the next Klan meeting in a Prius.

  5. A German town has ruled that a couple cannot name their newborn “Wikileaks” after Julian Assange’s website. It’s too bad Justin Bieber’s parents didn’t name him after a website–Yahoo.

  6. James Franco confirmed that he recently asked out a teenage girl. She turned him down–she said she was dating Woody Allen.

  7. A NC man wants to be cremated and have his ashes placed in a mayonaise jar. He’s been a bad guy and will spend eternity in Hell–mann’s.

  8. McDonald’s has suspended operations in Crimea. Now if war breaks out, the Russians won’t be able to use McNuggets for ammunition.

  9. A bakery in New York was shut down due to mouse infestation. Rumor has it that the chips in the cookies were not chocolate.

  10. George W. Bush has unveiled his paintings of Vladimir Putin and other world leaders. I bet the one of Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah is an oil.

  11. Vladimir Putin has been banned from all Mighty Taco locations in western New York. So now we know Obama’s response to the annexation of Crimea.

  12. Chinese ship spots a “ping” in the Indian Ocean … It’s either Malaysian 370, or Tiger Wood’s ball.

  13. George W. Bush says Putin once made fun of his dog. Said it was no bigger than a pea … What’s funny here is that “dog” in Russian means brain.

  14. UPS fired 250 workers for staging a wildcat slowdown … Not knowing actually how to slow down they called the Post Office for advice.

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