The hills aren’t alive now. — 12 Comments

  1. WIFE: How is the job-hunting going?
    WILL: I wore a suit today while I played Dead-Space 3. That should count for something…

  2. Tailgating will be banned at this year’s Super Bowl at Met Life Stadium in E. Rutherford, NJ. The league recommends fans that want to party before and after can try the Walmart parking lot in Trenton.

  3. The Hollywood Wax Museum provided wax figures of the stars to ride in the Hollywood Christmas parade … They were so life-like, the Charlie Sheen figure made a grab for Mrs. Claus’ ass.

  4. Food sales will be strictly controlled at the 2014 Super Bowl … All pork snacks must be de-boned, inspected by the Rabbi, then sent to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s office for “ageing.”

  5. Jeopardy:
    Alex: ‘So you won an unusual contest in high school.’
    Valerie: ‘Yes Alex. I won a Twinkie eating contest.’
    Alex: ‘How did you beat all those big football and baseball players?’
    Valerie: ‘I guess I was used to the creme filling Alex.’

  6. To prevent serious injuries, Major League Baseball has voted to ban home plate collisions. The ban will be lifted when Prince Fielder retires.

  7. The East Coast got hammered with snow Tuesday for the second time in three days. And here I thought most of the flakes were on the West Coast.

  8. Sen. John McCain likened Barack Obama’s handshake with Raul Castro to shaking hands with Adolf Hitler. McCain is such a hypocrite–didn’t he once shake hands with Attila the Hun?

  9. Following the success of The Sound of Music Live! last week, NBC is looking to stage another live musical production in 2014. How about “The Lyin’ King” starring Barack Obama.

  10. Senate-House conferees have approved a $632.8B national defense authorization bill. In the bill both parties have agreed not to employ any Dallas Cowboys.

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