1. Two satanic knife-wielding Florida middle-school girls were hiding in a bathroom waiting for smaller students to walk in so they could drink their blood. Sounds ghoulish, but you ever wonder where Girl Scouts get their Kool Aid.

  2. Kellyanne Conway blamed the recent spate of anti- Semitism on late night comedians. Yes, comedians are the enemy. And the guy who refused to say bad things about Nazis was actually helping. This woman is totally feckless.

  3. Our daughter told us there is a new boyfriend in her life who goes by “MD.” “Is he a doctor?” we asked hopefully. “No, it’s short for ‘Mad Dog.’”

  4. I mowed the lawn today wearing a Halloween costume inspired by the Dave Clark Five. I’m Glad All Over. The neighbors weren’t pleased.

  5. This Halloween marked the 200th anniversary of Mary Shelly’s book, Frankenstein. Few people know that Dr. Frankenstein’s aunt inspired him to construct a monster from left over body parts. Aunt Cher Stein.

  6. Donald Trump had to turn over his 2007 and 2008 calendars in a defamation lawsuit filed by a former “Apprentice” contestant. The calendars had several entries about boofing with Brett Kavanaugh.

  7. Sarah Huckabee Sanders has a B.A. in mass communications. That’s surprising. Considering what she tells the press, I’d swear she had a B.S.

  8. Donald Trump says no other country in the world besides the US guarantees birthright citizenship. And he’s only off by 30. For him, that’s really close.

    • Antigua and Barbuda
      2 Argentina
      3 Barbados
      4 Belize
      5 Bolivia
      6 Brazil
      7 Canada
      8 Chile
      9 Cuba
      10 Dominica
      11 Ecuador
      12 El Salvador
      13 Fiji
      14 Grenada
      15 Guatemala
      16 Guyana
      17 Honduras
      18 Jamaica
      19 Mexico
      20 Nicaragua
      21 Panama
      22 Paraguay
      23 Peru
      24 Saint Kitts and Nevis
      25 Saint Lucia
      26 Saint Vincent and the Grenadines
      27 Trinidad and Tobago
      28 United States
      29 Uruguay
      30 Venezuela

  9. A porcupine wandered in the back door of Louie’s Douglas Inn on Douglas Island, Alaska. A grizzly old miner who had stopped in for some hooch observed he hadn’t seen so many pricks in one place since the Republican National Convention.

  10. Growing up in the 1950s, the “in” thing was to have your basement turned into a “Rec Room.” Fast-forward 60-some years. Now we are voting in Michigan to legalize weed, which would make the “cool” thing turning your basement into a “Recreation Drug Room.”

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