1. Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti is flirting with the possibility of a Democratic presidential run in 2020 … Well, it’s too early to tell yet. But he’s ahead in the Saturday Night strip club poles.

  2. Nearly 950 people gathered in Carson, California, to set a Guinness World Record for the most people making slime simultaneously. After, they all gathered at Chipotle and ate slime.

  3. Big military parade called off in Washington. Apparently they didn’t have enough orange hair dye for all the marchers.

  4. Donald Trump says he’s stripping former CIA Director John Brennan of his security clearance because of erratic behavior. Which is like a wolf accusing a bunny of adopting a threatening attitude.

  5. My wife and I are in our Golden Years…We’ve progressed from Date Nights with drinks, to Prune Juice with wrinkles.

  6. The Washington Post reports that President Trump has plans to revoke the security clearance of various critics to distract the media during unfavorable news cycles. So, in the next year, we can expect 365 security clearances to be revoked.

  7. There’s a new TV series called “Manifest.” It’s about a plane loaded with people that disappeared in 2013 but lands with everybody on board in 2018. When the passengers hear that Trump’s in the White House, they realize they’re still in the Bermuda Triangle.

  8. If you get trendy and “eat by color” does that mean “go” for green vegetables, consume corn with caution, and stop when you get to red meat?

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