1. Robots are predicted to be capable of feeling human emotions by 2028. May be closer than we think. The other day my iRobot Roomba asked does this rubber baby buggy bumper make my butt look big?

  2. My neighbor refuses to do anything about his dandelions. On top of this, legalizing cannabis is on the ballot this November in Michigan. There is Waaay too much weed, my friends!

  3. It may turn out the only time Trump told the truth in public was when he said if we voted for Hillary, we’d end up with a president under criminal investigation. Sure enough, a plurality of us voted for Hillary and now the president is under criminal investigation. Lock him up.

  4. Sunday was Mother’s Day. President Trump’s mom used to say what most moms say to their kids. “You never call,” but with a twist. “Thanks.”

  5. Boston Bruins’ Brad Marchand has admitted he went too far and is now apologizing for his licking incidents during the playoffs. Marchand said he saw the light when he came home after the game and both his dog and cat ran off and hid.

  6. Ailing John McCain does not want Donny to attend his funeral. Look for Drumph’s upcoming Tweet: “He’s not invited to my funeral either. If anyone is gonna piss on my grave, it will be Russian Hookers!”

  7. I was sad to learn that my teenage neighbor (who drives a pink Ferrari) is a hooker. When I expressed my sense of outrage to the girl, she shrugged it off saying: “It’s not a big deal. I just look at it as crowd-funding.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *