1. Sarah Huckabee Sanders says the goal of the White House is to have a second year as successful as their first year. Don’t know if America can survive that level of “winning.”

  2. Major League Baseball wants to speed up their games to attract millennials who find the games too long and boring. How about eliminating: The Anthem; God Bless America; Take Me Out to the Ball Game and Sweet Caroline. That’ll save at least 25 minutes.

  3. Ford announced a new safety recall that affects over a million vehicles because, get this, the steering wheel might come off. But don’t worry, there’s plenty of warning. First, the nut at the wheel is loose but Tweets not to worry, he’s in complete control. Then you lurch from side to side while everyone on board yells it’s not their fault. Finally, all control is lost.…No wait, that’s the Oval Office.

  4. Cleveland Cavaliers coach Tyronn Lue stepping away from team due to health concerns. He’s reportedly suffering from LeBronchitis.

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