1. A Connecticut woman was arrested after a police camera caught her defecating in the middle of a cul-de-sac. Her neighbors asked what she thought of the anus as a whole. She answered that it was a dirty crack and should be wiped out.

  2. The Rev. Billy Graham died Wednesday morning at the age of 99. He was shooting for an even 100, but then God reminded him of Sisyphus.

  3. Olympic figure skater Gabriella Papadakis from France had a wardrobe malfunction during her short program. The camera switched to her unexpectedly and she turned out to be Johnny Weir.

  4. yeah. let’s give guns to teachers. might also have an ancillary effect by cutting down on tardiness, note passing and backtalk. not to mention making intra- teacher affairs much more interesting.

  5. I feel a bit dopey admitting that women’s curling in the Winter Olympics is quite a turn on. Those young and fit female athletes screaming “Harder” to motivate the sweepers are doing wonders for my shot rock.

  6. During a listening session with relatives and survivors of the Florida high school massacre President Trump entered the room carrying a cheat sheet reminding him to say “I hear you.” Apparently his staff is aware that hearing people in a listening session is not his first instinct.

  7. An Indian artist has made the world’s smallest pencil — only .2 inches long. It will write music for the world’s smallest violin, that will play in the world’s smallest symphony. Sympathy for the NRA.

  8. Congrats to the US Olympic Men’s Curlers on winning The Gold Medal. Unfortunately, they were mistakenly given the wrong medals (Women’s) at the ceremony. Who knew that Warren Beatty was even in Korea?

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