1. So far the Olympics have gone off without a hitch, and no countries have pulled any shenanigans. Even Russia cooperated and left the seventh member of their ice hockey team home. Dopey.

  2. David Hasselhoff of Baywatch fame is the new spokesmodel for Hear dot Com, hearing aids. And it’s a fine product I’m sure…If one doesn’t mind the Ear, Nose and Throat doctor in a thong.

  3. My young wife keeps giving me “subtle” hints that she wants sex more often. Today she made me a peanut-butter and KY jelly sandwich.

  4. A flight from Dubai to Amsterdam was diverted to Vienna after a fight broke out when a passenger wouldn’t stop passing gas. There’s a movie in that: “Quakes on a Plane.”

  5. Was watching “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.” The knight guarding the Holy Grail was so old he couldn’t swing his sword. No guy wants to be that bad off.

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