1. An elderly couple who was arrested in Nebraska with 60 pounds of marijuana in their truck told officers that the drugs were meant to be Christmas presents. Wow, gift-giving has really gone to pot.

  2. Last Saturday, Pope Francis returned a shrunken head the size of a fist the Vatican has been studying for nearly a century. And after all that time His Holinesses’ scientists still couldn’t decide if it was a religious icon, or the gear shift knob off Cheech’s 53 Chevy.

  3. Cuban President Raul Castro announced he will step down from office April 19. He hasn’t been inappropriate in office or anything like that. He just wants to spend more time oppressing his family.

  4. Germany has built the world’s longest and highest aerial tramway through the Bavarian Alps. Almost 3 miles long, 6,000 feet high, at a cost of 50 million Euros. This useless waste of money so impressed the GOP they gave Mercedes, Porsche and BMW owners an extra 21 percent tax cut.

  5. The Johns Hopkins School of Public Health says if you consume lots and lots of apples and tomatoes your lungs will heal faster from smoking damage. But be aware, doctors say that Bloody Marys and Appletinis don’t count.

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