1. I reminded my wife that it’s the holiday season, and we ought to get a tree. We compromised on a Scotch Pine-flavored air freshener sprayed on the cat.

  2. One of the hottest Christmas gifts is the HD Mirror Cam. It clips to your mirror and records everything that goes on outside and inside your car. And I mean everything. Kanye put one in his SUV and reordered Kim rocking out to Lawrence Welk.

  3. Disney purchased Fox studios in a $50 billion deal, putting Marvel, Star Wars, X-Men and Avatar under one roof. Fox News will not be affected by the deal. They’ve already got a whole studio full of Goofys.

  4. The Donald is denying that he’s ever met the dozen or so women who have accused him of sexual misconduct despite photo evidence verifying otherwise. It’s quite obvious that he has no recall of these accusers as he has groped so many that it would be easier to ask him about the women that he hasn’t felt up.

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