1. The first Indian made long range surface-to-air missile was delivered to the Indian Navy last week. But there’s really not much chance they’ll attack us so long as we remember this one simple rule. Always keep a cow in the front room.

  2. Wednesday was National Read-a-Book Day. To celebrate, President T called up President W and asked him the name of that book he read.

  3. I grew up in a town of just 300 people. We didn’t have many businesses but everybody knew everybody else. It was like Mayberry … but without the amenities.

  4. A shopping center in my neighborhood is having a kids’ consignment sale. Gee, I didn’t know you could sell kids on consignment.

  5. First, Trump declared Texas to be a disaster area. Then he declared Louisiana to be a disaster area. Next up, the White House staff?

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