1. If you can believe Elon Musk, we’ll send a man to Mars in the next four years. Could he please, please, please be President Trump?

  2. I heard the reason Sebastian Gorka quit his White House job is that Chief of Staff John Kelly reviewed the job functions of White House staffers and couldn’t determine what Gorka did. Too bad Kelly didn’t review Trump’s job.

  3. To help the flooding victims in Texas, Trump says he has unleashed the full force of the government. So Texans will get the full force of FEMA budget cuts.

  4. I knew a girl in high school who was a knock-out. Then in college she became a geek, and transformed into more of a technical knock-out.

  5. Donny to visit Texas on Tuesday, expected to offer everyone affected by Hurricane Harvey a 10% discount at all Trump Hotels. (must prove residence with valid ID)

  6. I watched two of the Kardashian sisters play tennis the other day. Or as it’s better known, The Game of Thongs.

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