1. Bonnie Tyler singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” to commemorate solar eclipse. She will also belt out “It’s a Heartache” to mark seven months of the Trump administration.

  2. Tom Cruise broke his ankle while filming “Mission: Impossible 6.” The Church of Scientology could have healed him. But they didn’t want to waste their power on a really short miracle. 

  3. Trump announces plan to increase troop level in Afghanistan. History lesson–the Soviets did the same thing with disastrous results. This had to be the one time Trump doesn’t listen to Putin.

  4. A lawsuit filed in federal court in Connecticut claims Poland Spring Water is not actually from a spring at all, and is just common groundwater. In fact, it’s so common you could use it to make Budweiser.

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