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Oui oui! — 13 Comments

  1. Mississippi is the most obese state in the country according to the United Health Foundation. They say Mississippi is the only state that didn’t vote red or blue. It voted Golden Brown and Delicious.

  2. The Polish military just spent $1.1 billion on 96 self-propelled howitzers, and boy did they get shafted. Howitzer is German for “Lying Volkswagen Diesel.”

  3. The AMA says marijuana use by pregnant women is up 62 percent in the last ten years. They blame loosening of the moral fabric of America, legalizing recreational marijuana, and the really, really cute new Doritos bag.

  4. I registered my new Keurig® appliance, which is guaranteed, except for “acts of God.” So, I guess I will never make the Locust Tea.

  5. Officials blame a bath lotion used as a liquor substitute in Russia for an outbreak of alcohol poisoning. Lotion has been banned so Russians can now be clean AND sober. I heard of drunk dialing but not getting drunk on Dial.

  6. Delta has announced it will no longer require medical professionals to show licenses. Hopefully, they don’t have the same policy for pilots.

  7. Now tRump is saying he would have won the popular vote if it weren’t for California. Okay. It’s a deal. You’re president of 49 states. Don’t worry about us. We’ll muddle through on our own.

  8. Traffic deaths have fallen in states with legalized marijuana laws says the Morticians Association of America. Apparently giggling just before impact works better than an airbag.

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