BILL WILLIAMS says:
Police in Millersburg, Ohio, the heart of Amish country, arrested more than 70 young people at a weekend party, charging them with underage consumption of alcohol. Parents reacted swiftly and took away the miscreants buggy privileges for a year.
In New York, an assemblyman who fatally shot himself last week won his primary Tuesday. So voters not paying attention? Or voters deciding that a dead man could do less damage than the live alternative?
Donald Trump, attacking Hillary Clinton for her “basket of deplorables” line: “You can’t lead this nation if you have such a low opinion of its citizens.” Can a statement have an asterisk?
GRAVITY brings me down…
If the thought of President Donald Trump doesn’t frighten you, you should really see about having your central nervous system reconnected to your brain stem.
The SPCA called Will, they said it’s time for you to stop beating that dead horse.
Olive Garden’s never-ending pasta passes are back. For $100 you get seven weeks of unlimited pasta, soup or salad, breadsticks, and Coca-Cola. But they make up for it in the bathroom. Twenty bucks a flush.
Donald Trump revealed his weight-loss goal to Dr. Oz. During his Oz visit, I had hoped Trump would have asked for a brain.
A coroner says a heart found in a plastic bag next to an Ohio gas station appears to be human. Authorities have ruled out it belonging to Dick Cheney.
I wish Tape Face was Donald Trump.
RuPaul won an Emmy for hosting the reality show, RuPaul’s Drag Race. During the acceptance speech RuPaul thanked his mom, his dad, foam rubber and Estrogen.
NASCAR has a new rule. During pitstops crews must use all the wheel nuts for safety; they can’t just put on a few nuts to save time. And this is a unisex rule. Danica Patrick must use all her nuts too.
For Hillary, watching this election slip through her fingers must be going down as easy as swallowing a deep fried fork.
Trying to get a clarification here on whether once he’s elected, Trump’s Deportation Task Force will help Democrats who want to emigrate to Canada.
Look, if this Trump thing for president doesn’t work out I’m sure those who voted for him will conveniently forget they did.
I’ve stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now…
Police are searching for a Trump supporter who sucker-punched a 69-year-old woman at a rally. The suspect is described as a deplorable racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic and Islamaphobic.