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And now we’d like to emigrate. — 16 Comments

  1. Chevy Chase has entered rehab for an alcohol problem. He kept falling down even when he wasn’t impersonating Gerald Ford.

  2. Traveling to Iran right now is risky for Americans, they may arrest you for anything. But there is one positive side to it. They don’t care if you sit or stand for the national anthem. The firing squad will get you either way.

  3. The Philippines new president Rodrigo Duterte has given citizens free reign to kill drug dealers. It’s gone so far a local Taco Bell is now serving lead-filled Chalupas.

  4. Rock ‘n’ roll legend Keith Richards hosts an entire weekend of programming for BBC Four later this month. Keith will be awake all three days and won’t miss a beat thanks to a special pair of 501’s that have the back pockets filled with the best Transylvanian soil.

  5. Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein was supposed to be in Columbus, Ohio for a speech, but flew into Cincinnati instead. This is someone you want in charge of the military. “Ma’am, we just launched that air strike you ordered on Liberia.” “LIBERIA??? I MEANT LIBYA!!!”

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