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But his name was Scott and he was Charmin’. — 23 Comments

  1. Coup d’e tat. Both sides claim victory. Marshal law declared. Chaos ensues! Turkey is in a state of … Wait, sorry, that’s the Republican Convention.

  2. Ironically, Donald Trump will be named the Republican Presidential Candidate in the city of Cleveland, also known as the Mistake on the Lake.

  3. Daryl Strawberry said he had sex in the clubhouse during games. Strawberry didn’t say if he preferred the top or bottom–of the inning.

  4. Taylor Swift says that footage with Kanye West leaked by Kim Kardashian is “character assassination.” Kardashian deserves a Swift kick in the ass–though I doubt she would even feel it.

  5. A woman who undergoes a cornea transplant faces 20 percent chance of tissue rejection if the donor is a man, says a British study. But worse than that, her friends complain she’s always looking at their boobs.

  6. Who says I’m not a romantic? Last night I told my wife of 33 years that she fits me like an old glove. Couch time.

  7. the first true thing said tonight? Giuliani asked the audience at the Q, “are we crazy” and the crowd answered “YEAH!” and you know what? they’re right.

  8. Melania Trump may have plagiarized her convention speech from Michelle Obama. Hey Mrs. Trump, “black lines matter.”

  9. Watched The Donald’s wife give her speech at the Republican convention Monday night. Very impressive. She’s probably the most sophisticated blow-up girl ever made.

  10. Lamar Odom was booted off a Delta flight as he was drunk and vomiting all over 1st class. I just feel bad for the ‘Pokémon Go’ gamers that were led to that scene.

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