MOM! — 11 Comments

  1. A 7 year old boy is missing as parents intentionally left him stranded in the mountains as a punishment. They are trying to set a new record for a timeout. Why didn’t Bieber’s parents think of this?

  2. The t.v. ads for the over the counter memory improvement drug Prevagen say it’s a “Brand worth remembering”. This is a slap in the face to its target audience of seniors who can’t remember what they had for breakfast this morning, much less a brand name by the time they get to the pharmacy.

  3. Trump says he can solve California’s drought. First, appoint Dennis Hastert Secretary of the Interior. Then wait a semester or two and he’ll have all the boys showering together.

  4. Man is in critical condition after receiving shock at a New Jersey pool. Apparently, he saw Chris Christie in a speedo.

  5. Zoo officials in Ohio were forced to shoot a silverback gorilla after a child found his way into the enclosure. Moral of the story: Animals must not monkey around with humans.

  6. Libertarian nominee Gary Johnson says that if he’s included in debates he could bring in a significant portion of votes. Right, but can he beat “none of the above?”

  7. Donald Trump has apparently narrowed his potential running mates to a “very small” list. Because there are only a “very small” number of people who will run with him?

  8. The Carolinas are redrawing their border using GPS technology. Using Apple Maps, 6 homes currently in South Carolina will be switching to North Dakota.

  9. Monday night at 5:34 EDT Mars was the closest to Earth since 2005. It was so close, men from Mars could count every dimple on Kourtney Kardashian’s bare butt.

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