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Ouch! — 10 Comments

  1. Clowns! Face-Painting! Thrills! Spills! Crazy Behavior! And all in the privacy of my own home with two teen-age daughters!

  2. In Toulouse, France, scientists were able to teach an organism with no brain or central nervous system to cross a puddle of bitter coffee to reach food. The scientists were quick to point out that after coffee and donuts the organism was able to dress itself, punch a time clock and start issuing parking tickets.

  3. Donald Trump has the same grasp of foreign policy that gerbils have of quarterly dividends. Like asking Truman Capote about muleskininng. Or Nicky Minaj about particle physics.

  4. Kim Jong-un has reportedly ordered a ‘pleasure squad’ of teenage girls to serve his every whim. Jong-un better hope there’s not another rocket failure.

  5. The Monkees are releasing a new album. I wouldn’t say they are getting old, but they now only eat bananas pureed.

  6. There’s now an app from the U.S. government for reducing your risk of food poisoning. Isn’t a waste of tax dollars to create an app that just suggests you don’t eat at Taco Bell.

  7. When I first met my wife, 33 year’s ago, she was wearing a perfume named “Poison.” Now, I often think, how could I have missed such an obvious clue to our future?

  8. A British do-it-yourselfer built a hover bike using household items and old lawnmower engines. It turned out to be a great multitasker. He mowed the grass, rode it to to the pub, and he almost beat Lewis Hamilton at Brands Hatch.

  9. There’s going to be a movie about Ronald Reagan’s life with Alzheimer’s. He first exhibited signs of the disease when practicing for his famous Berlin speech. ”Mr. Mao, tear down this wall.”

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