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How can I make a cummerbund joke? — 13 Comments

  1. I have a sinking feeling about my marriage. My wife has reached truly Titanic proportions, and I’m thinking about abandoning ship.

  2. For a medical experiment in England 10 volunteers were given an injection of LSD. Turned out to be the only way anyone could make sense out of Matt LeBlanc on the new Top Gear.

  3. Starting next month Mars Food Company is labeling their products “occasional” food and “everyday” food. They say some are for lunches and some are for banquets. Kinda’ like a wife and a mistress.

  4. I try to eat healthy…things like organic gummy bears. Which are a real thing. And I’ve heard beer is mostly water, so…

  5. Ever notice how a fishing lure and a push-up bra are alike? Both designed to seduce some unsuspecting walleye to his doom.

  6. A University of Cambridge study says genetic makeup may determine when people lose their virginity…Proving once again science is sometimes baloney. We all know it’s not genetic makeup that loses your virginity. It’s slut makeup.

  7. The University of Illinois successfully transmitted Wi-Fi data through large hunks of raw pork loin. So what is the reason for this weird research? Those cute little curly tails make fabulous antennas.

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