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On vacation for a week! — 53 Comments

  1. These presidential debates remind me of Teddy Roosevelt. Bernie Sanders – Speak softly…Donald Trump – Carry da big shtick.

  2. I kind of hate to accuse my wife of false advertising, however, she bought some yoga pants that say JUICY on the butt, and well…

  3. Hilary Duff was seen buying a Glock. Her band originally sent her to get a glockenspiel. But she thought this would give her more bang for her buck.

  4. “Brooklyn” is in theaters now. An Irish woman comes to New York. She leaves quickly when a rat tries to teach her how to eat pizza.

  5. Hershey announced their Kisses are now made with real vanilla instead of imitation. Bad news basement dwellers. They still don’t count as real girl kisses.

  6. Imagine the thrill when our Fearless Leader returns on November 21st, refreshed from vacation, and ready to pick that first brilliant bit of humor to highlight…from me, of course.

  7. Chris Christie will drop out of the presidential race soon. Or as the New Jersey Governor prefers to say. Finished with a light dusting of powdered sugar.

  8. A New York City Papa John’s franchise owner was sentenced to jail. City claims he didn’t pay minimum wage. On top of that, animal cruelty. He had subway rats delivering the pizzas.

  9. Occidental College students occupy the L. A. school’s administration building with a list of demands. They want a black studies program, more diversity among teachers, and to top it off: Michelle Obama out of the cafeteria.

  10. A lot of people say Caitlyn Jenner isn’t a real woman and shouldn’t be getting these Woman of the Year awards. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but it’s not fair she should get some while she’s still got the family jewels.

  11. Former Subway spokesguy Jared Fogle has been sentenced to in prison for his child pornography conviction. His room for the next 15 years will be six footlongs by eight footlongs.

  12. Jared Vogel gets 15 1/2 years for child porn. Don’t think he’ll have a very easy time there. Cause he’s about to become a, “Six-Inch Vogel Delite.”

  13. The Service Employees International Union struck the three major New York airports Wednesday night. And I’m telling you, those airlines never miss a trick. They’ve come up with the “Tom Sawyer Fee,” telling passengers how much fun it is loading your own bag and fueling the plane.

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