But he gathers no moss. — 14 Comments

  1. Those series of Planet of the Apes movies make my skin crawl. If I want to see hairy, screeching, semi-evolved creatures, I’ll just go to a comedy Open Mike Night.

  2. I found the perfect braided blonde in Switzerland. We danced, we ate, and at midnight she shat. Honestly, I couldn’t see what the big deal was about a Swiss Movement.

  3. On Saturday night they lit the National Christmas Tree. This year the tree was dedicated to the U.S. Congress. It was lit with some really dim bulbs.

  4. An Arizona couple celebrated their 64th anniversary at their favorite restaurant, Taco Bell. Besides being married forever, the two are amateur inventors. Got the only fart-powered porch swing in town.

  5. A Danish artist used his penis to paint a picture of a naked Kim Kardashian. It took him a long time to finish. He could only work in short spurts.

  6. Seven teenage girls became pregnant on a five-day school trip to Sarajevo. Never should have asked Woody Allen to chaperone. 

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