Eat fresh! Or not. — 17 Comments

  1. I had an idea for a new t.v. show that would star G.W. Bailey, J.K. Simmons, J.T. Walsh, CCH Pounder, Ice T, LL Cool J, O.J. Simpson and Maggie Q. This show would be directed by J. J. Abrams from a script written by JK Rowling, with the theme song sung by Jay Z, k.d. Lang and B.B. King. All of the networks I submitted this to said that they liked the idea, initially.

  2. The Secret Service arrested a man after he jumped the fence at the White House. Although perhaps it would have been better had they arrested him before he jumped BACK over the fence.

  3. A 16 year-old girl with an enlarged heart and one lung died at a popular Midwest haunted house. Her heart attack doesn’t seem to be much of a shock to the teen’s grandmother, who said she was “a bomb waiting to go off.” Wow. That’s some real tough love…

  4. A DC substitute teacher allegedly had sex with a student her first day on the job. Talk about starting out with a bang!

  5. A woman who attempted suicide by stabbing pencils in her eyes is suing over a viral photo taken by a hospital nurse. I understand the photo is very graphite.

  6. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that last month was the hottest September in 135 years. *What made it particularly hot was Bruce Jenner got his first mini skirt.

  7. Because housing prices are outta sight in San Francisco, East Bay property values are climbing. Remember People’s Park in Berkley? *Now a gated community.

  8. American tobacco company RJ Reynolds has instituted a no smoking policy at all its offices. In related news, the manufacturer of Ex-lax has removed all the restrooms their buildings.

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