Somewhere in the Southern Nights. — 19 Comments

  1. Pope Francis made saints of Popes John XXIII and John Paul II. Next, I would like to see Donald Sterling and Cliven Bundy canonized. Put them in the barrel of a large cannon and light the fuse.

  2. Angelina Jolie stars as famous villain Maleficent in a re-imagining of the Disney classic “Sleeping Beauty.” The prospect of AJ in that famous headgear makes me…horny.

  3. Todays network news shows had maps showing state by state tornado and storm damage with the worst hit colored red even though most of those states were already known as “Red” states. In a related story, t.v. news also had a map showing where Bill Clinton has recently visited, those states will now be known as “Blue” slates. I don’t know what Mr. Clinton did while he was there, I’m just saying….

  4. A study found that wives are more likely to cheat on a well-endowed husband. In related news, Sunday is my 23rd wedding anniversary.

  5. Sarah Palin said waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists. Due to the drought, terrorists in California will be tortured using the “Happy” song.

  6. Paul Simon and his wife were arrested on charges of disorderly conduct. Police responded to witness reports of the “sound of violence.”

  7. One nice thing about attending Clippers games, separate restrooms for blacks and whites reduces the wait time to use the john.

  8. A high school in Chicago will be named after Barack Obama. Unfortunately, enrollment has been delayed for two months.

  9. A plus-size iceberg broke off from the pack and is floating in the Southern Ocean … Not only is it a danger to shipping, she’s working her way north and may run for president in 2016.

  10. Beyonce and Jay Z announce dates for their “On the Run Tour.” First they thought of revenge with, No White People! Then they had a better idea: No Fat Ugly People!

  11. The “Kissing Congressman,” Vince McAllister, who campaigned on Christian values and was caught on tape with a staffer, says he will not seek re-election. Guess McAllister wants to spend more time lying to his family.

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