Is Oscar a grouch? — 16 Comments

  1. The next Miami Heat home game will be a “whiteout” –all fans will be asked to wear the team color. Donald Sterling announced the next Clippers home game will also be a “whiteout”–only whites can attend.

  2. Construction crews have uncovered copies of the Atari ET the Extra-Terrestrial game at a landfill deep in the New Mexico desert. They also found a couple boom boxes and the remnants of Judd Nelson’s career.

  3. If he did take acting lessons, Pistorius’s performance still won’t win an Academy Award. But what he uses for legs nobody’ll tell him to break might win for Best Supporting of the Year.

  4. My wife tossed her cookies last night. I found the boxes of Thin Mints in the trash after she went bikini shopping.

  5. After I found 8 new pair of shoes hidden under the bed, I had to confront my wife about her out-of-control spending habits. Tearfully she offered this idea of how she’ll cut back on beauty expenses: “I guess I could start buying unprofessional shampoo…”

  6. So I said to my wife, “It’s my way or the highway”.

    A week later, I’m here to tell you that all things considered, life on the highway is a way that’s highly overrated.

  7. Former Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens thinks marijuana should be legalized … You remember him don’t you? He’s the justice who wrote that famous decision, Twinkie v Doritos.

  8. Retired Pope Benedict XVI, current Pope Francis, and 1 million pilgrims celebrated the sainthood of Popes John Paul II and John XXIII at a Sunday Mass in St. Peter’s Square … There hasn’t been a double sainthood celebrated like this since Simon and Garfunkel overcame “Troubled Waters.”

  9. Donald Sterling did not attend Sunday’s playoff game between the Clippers and Warriors. Apparently, the game conflicted with a KKK rally.

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