Cubs lose! Cubs lose! — 18 Comments

  1. I’m left-handed. And when my wife is gone on a week-long business trip, I become even more…left-handed.

  2. SHRINK: I can’t help, Will, unless you tell me what’s eating you.
    WILL: My wife.
    SHRINK: Can you be more specific?
    WILL: She’s a cannibal.

  3. A gaggle of geese, a pride of lions, and today in Detroit, just outside the window, SNOW, and a misdemeanor of crows.

  4. Insurance companies tell how safe a driver you are by a digital box in your car, and you pay premiums accordingly. Then a valet-parking attendant drives it like a bike – on two wheels around corners.

  5. My wife asked me if I wanted peas or corn for dinner tonight. “It depends,” I said. “What are we having with it?” She said, “We can have chicken or pork. Which would you like?” “It depends,” I said. “Are we having peas or corn?”

    You know, we’ve been together 19 years and I don’t think we’ve once had a home-cooked meal. Wonder why that is.

  6. My flight was on a two-hour mechanical delay yesterday … Turns out the black box was ponging instead of pinging.

  7. Speaker of the House John Boehner is visiting Afghanistan. He wants the troops to stay there longer, and it’s also a great place to get a tan … Or as he calls it, “Orangeade.”

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