I have 98.6 degrees. — 12 Comments

  1. They say one reason some NFL games haven’t sold out is because of the “lavish” behavior of some stadium fans. Like drinking and yelling so much their breath melts the glue holding on every wig within 10 rows.

  2. A rare “Polar Vortex” is blamed for the Wintery weather in the Midwest. My wife has one of those, between her legs.

  3. A man in Iowa had a blood alcohol level so high that a police breathalyzer couldn’t measure it. He now qualifies to be mayor of Toronto.

  4. The HAPI smartfork helps you lose weight by gently vibrating when you overeat. It’s like the smartcocktail glass in the Toronto mayor’s office … Only when you reach a drunken stupor the glass automatically turns into a straw.

  5. Twenty-five states say no to Obamacare in favor of their own systems. For instance, Alabama puts you in a basket and holds you underwater … If you survive you’re labeled a slacker and a liberal and rejected. If you drown you’re labeled legit and treated.

  6. Dennis Rodman has recruited some ex-NBA players to play an exhibition game in North Korea. I hope he didn’t pick any ex-Houston players–you know how badly Rockets perform in North Korea.

  7. Darden Restaurants said it would sell or spin off its struggling Red Lobster chain. Ironically, Red Lobster is in hot water.

  8. Sen. Rand Paul said that the longer unemployment benefits last, the lazier jobless people get. Of course, people with jobs can be lazy too–like being a member of a Do-Nothing Congress.

  9. Dennis Rodman finally recruited some former NBA players to play an exhibition game in North Korea. Well, it could be the adventure of a lifetime? Or if they win, at least the last adventure of their lifetimes.

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