Happy halloween! — 34 Comments

  1. After I changed my Facebook picture to a shot of myself in a Speedo, several women unfriended me. OK, fine. But you can never unsee me!

  2. A TSA agent was shot at LAX Friday. Basically, I think, the agent asked the guy, “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” He wasn’t glad.

  3. Rand Paul who quoted an almost verbatum Wikapedi review of the movie “Gattaca” admitted he “borrowed” from the movie but said it was not plagiarism because he gave credit to the people who wrote the film, not the people who wrote the review. That sounds like the boy who turns in an assigned essay to his teacher which was identical to the one his brother turned in the year before because “We were writing about the same dog.”

  4. After watching the 4th quarter meltdown of his Washington Redskins, owner Daniel Snyder (who is Jewish) may change his teams name after all. He’s considering The Washington Dumb Schmucks.

  5. By using drugs that can inhibit receptors, scientists have been able to reduce compulsive behavior such as gambling in rats. Why can’t they come up with drugs that will stop these rodents from finking on their friends?

  6. Word is out that the Red Sox players were still partying at Fenway Park at 3am. They finally went home when they were told that local Fried Chicken deliveries end at 2am.

  7. Justin Bieber was allegedly seen coming out of a brothel in Brazil. With all the money Bieber makes, why would he feel the need to sell his body?

  8. The Denver Nuggets mascot “Rocky” passed out before Friday night’s home opener at the Pepsi Center. There’s no truth to the rumor that Rocky was stoned.

  9. Paul McCartney, 71, says he and Yoko Ono, 80, have ended their feud. Which is either a sign of gracious maturity, or that they can’t remember why they disliked each other in the first place.

  10. Pope Francis has suspended the German “Bishop of Bling” for overspending and sent him to a Benedictine abbey for a spiritual period of recuperation and monastic life … A simple bed, basic cable, Wifi with just 3 mbps and only 110 volts to recharge his Tesla.

  11. Scientists now say King Tut died in a chariot accident. So sad–but prior to the accident he did save 15% on chariot insurance by switching to Geico.

  12. Miami Dolphins lineman Richie Incognito has been suspended because he apparently sent harassing and threatening text messages to a teammate. From now on, Incognito will be less visible.

  13. A famous NYC restaurant had to eliminate their men’s room attendants after customers complained they didn’t like guys watching them pee … Needless to say, this was Anthony Weiner’s favorite restaurant.

  14. Pope Francis sent a questionnaire to bishops worldwide containing 39 questions. Questions about social situations affecting the church today, but the most popular was number 17: Should Justin Bieber be eliminated?

  15. Rand Paul made a heartfelt apology for stealing the written words of others to use in several of his speeches lately, convincing enough to turn around many detractors who thought this might be the end of his presidential aspirations for the 2016 election. That idea came to a screeching halt today when it was found that if you translate his apology speech into Russian, it is a word for word lift from a speech by Joseph Stalin early in his career.

  16. New Jersey governor Chris Christie has won re-election, and by a pretty fat margin. Uh, wide margin. Uh, enormous…uh,…

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