Oh, please! — 19 Comments

  1. Anthony Weiner is still running for NYC mayor and has just released his first TV spot which is a combo Weiner for Mayor and Fruit of the Loom advert … It goes like this: “No matter what happens, you just won’t drop out.”

  2. That lab grown hamburger patty introduced in London last week cost over $300,000 to develop. In related news, while shopping in Europe, Oprah was directed by a sales clerk to cheaper cuts.

  3. When my wife said she wanted to work at home, I didn’t know she meant as a hooker. Frankly, I can’t afford her.

  4. Scientists are explaining what’s happening to the brain in those near-death experiences when people think they’re seeing heaven. In a nutshell, that’s what their skull’s becoming.

  5. This is weird but…After watching what’s been happening in Egypt these last few months I think Anthony Weiner might not be such a bad candidate after all. At least with him you’ve already seen the prick you’re getting.

  6. Gangster Whitey Bulger has been found guilty in Boston for murder, racketeering & extortion. He asked the state if he could be Prisoner 0000081 as he was a big Terrell Owens fan. They told him no, as that number had just been chosen by Aaron Hernandez.

  7. California Governor Jerry Brown signed a law giving transgender students the right to choose the sex of their restrooms … As expected every 14-year-old boy at Hollywood High said he was transgender and chose girls, except Justin Bieber, he’s still not sure.

  8. India has built their first aircraft carrier. It was a straightforward design with no big problems save one … Rerouting the Ganges to the laundry room.

  9. Tiger has not won a “major” in five years. Insiders say he places too much pressure on himself because he does not want to be remembered as having more “mistresses” than “majors”.

  10. The sci-fi hit movie Elysium takes place 150 years in the future. Are NFL owners still greedy in 2163? After completing a 30 game regular season, every one of the 96 teams makes the playoffs. Super Bowl CXCVII favourites are Billings and Chattanooga.

  11. 260-lb wife gets fitted for a corset in anticipation of our 30-year wedding anniversary…God, just fit me for a toe-tag.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *