And the lines at the Starbucks are even shorter. — 11 Comments

  1. NASA’s Kepler space telescope has discovered a planet so Earth-like it could support life now … In fact it’s so Earth-like there’s a short, loud-mouthed alien with weird hair running around buying up everything.

  2. The Reverend Jesse Jackson was taken off suicide watch after he found out that the people responsible for the Boston Marathon bombing were not two brothers as he first heard, but were actually just two brothers. This is much funnier if you tell it aloud and use “air quotes” gesture when you mention the second “two brothers”.

  3. Some anti-abortionists are so radical, they don’t even want NASA to abort rocket missions. They believe launch begins at countdown.

  4. GIRL: “Will, why did you marry a woman so much older than yourself?”
    WILL: “I wanted to…own a piece of history.”

  5. Legendary sportscaster Al Michaels was arrested last night in California on suspicion of DUI. After reviewing the evidence, his lawyer’s only comment was “Do you believe in miracles?”

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