JANICE HOUGH says:
A 18-pound tortoise named Cashew who disappeared from a museum in Dubuque, Iowa, was found alive and in good health two days later in a building elevator. Officials believe the tortoise was stolen and then returned. Which would be easier to explain than her just having run away.
Cookie Monster, the later years: “Me Want Nookie.”
The Paris, France, Public Parks Department uses sheep instead of lawnmowers … Which prompted Paris, Texas, to issue the proclamation: “In America we don’t make the wife mow our lawns.”
Direct TV is offering a channel devoted to canines called DogTV for $6 a month. They could keep the costs down by broadcasting in black & white.
Saw an ad: “Save Money. Live Better at Walmart.” No, I do not want to LIVE at Walmart!!
A gunman took four Georgia fireman hostage and after a tense day of negotiating, demanded his hone power and cable TV turned back on … But like “Project Runway,” (his favorite show) where one day he was in, the next day he was taken out by the SWAT team.
A restauant in Texas has trademarked the term “breastaurant”. It’s the one place where you can get two Cups to go.
Bigas Luna, a famous Spanish film director died yesterday. His sense of humor stayed with him until the end, when introduced to someone at a party last week who said they had often heard of him he replied “No, you’re probably thinking of Big-Ass Kardashian”.
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An “intimidating package” containing a severed goat’s head was delivered to the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field yesterday. Police were called, I suppose to check whether any of the team-members were missing a head.
A note was attached to the goats head that said this will be the last head they’ll get until they win the world series.
Hair is like real estate: Location, Location, Location, and the shower drain is not a good one.