Thank heaven, indeed! — 15 Comments

  1. What was thought to be the results of an early vote by the cardinals to pick a new pope turned out to be just a non related huge puff of smoke. The source became obvious when a tour bus for Willy Nelson and one for Snoop Dogg were found parked side by side in the Vatican’s parking lot.
    Holy Crap, it turns out that it really was a signal from a higher authority after all.

  2. Eleven public figures including Kim Kardashian are victims of a hacker who posted their financial information. Big deal. If you want to see Kim Kardashian’s assets, there are several sites I can direct you to.

  3. Experts say that spiking drinks with Visine could be fatal. Hey, this is a way for us to surreptitiously kill some top-level Communists. After all, Visine boasts that it gets the red out.

  4. People who were worried about the push to be the new pope by former Los Angeles Archbishop Roger Mahony will now have less to worry about. Vatican security guards have reported that they’ve taken Karl Rove into custody and freed dozens of altar boys who were being held captive in his hotel room.

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